IUI #2 = fail

Of course, as soon as I start to think it may have actually worked, my period started. Like, really? What cosmic joke is that -- as soon as I start to have a little bit of hope, bam! Nope! Sorry.

I had a little bit of a meltdown earlier this week. I am feeling frustrated and defeated. I know it's only the second successful IUI (3rd round of Clomid), but how much is it going to take? I think I was feeling particularly defeated because I heard such positive feedback from the ultrasound tech and the nurse who did the procedure -- my egg was a great size, lining looked good, Joe's numbers looked good. Much better than last month. So I let myself have a little bit of hope, although I was still shielding myself against the disappointment. It's hard to do this over and over again -- it truly is a rollercoaster. My anxiety gets involved too. If Clomid doesn't work, that's one more thing that was unsuccessful, so we would move on to the next step. Which means we have fewer and fewer options left.

I do realize that we are hardly out of options at this point, but I don't want to have to go through more and more. I just want something to work. I have accepted the infertility, but on a daily basis it sucks.

So, the next step is to try another round of Clomid, which will hopefully result in at least one good follicle on the right side, and a 3rd IUI. If that doesn't work (or if the follicles are on the left), then we meet with Dr. Bernhisel and see what's next.

We're on again!

After my last post of disappointment that I wasn't pregnant and didn't think we would make the cutoff to do the beginning of cycle sonogram, I called the doctor's office...and I was able to get in to do it last Monday! All looked good, so we repeated the same protocol (100mg of Clomid).

Today I went back for the mid-cycle sonogram, and got more good news. I have a big, 23mm follicle on the right side, and my lining is 9.7mm (it was under 7 last month). So things are looking good -- and we are on for our second IUI this Wednesday! Keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of the week goes smoothly, and less stressful than last time.

It is really good to know that we can move forward this month. I always have the nagging concern in the back of my brain while I'm on the Clomid that my right side won't make big enough follicles, and it will be a wasted month (both in terms of cost and the increasing side effects I'm getting from the medication). I'm also more comfortable knowing the plan is that if the IUIs don't work (meaning we actually get to the insemination, not a failed Clomid cycle), that we will only do 2-3 failed cycles before reassessing options and possibly moving to a new protocol. I was feeling a little aimless and frustrated with the whole process, but definitely feeling better now.

So here we go!